Monday, March 31, 2008

Noah's Ark - A Midwive's Tale Found on the Internet.

God told Noah..you will need midwives on the Ark. There are a lot of babies to be born, both animal and human. They need a loving touch.

So...Noah brought two midwives.
The first was a CNM and the second was a CPM.
The midwives said that anyone who had had more than one baby could not be on the Ark. It was not in their protocol. The wolves got off, because they had litters. The Cows who had had twins got off, because their calves had come together.
The midwives said that anyone who had large babies had to get off the Ark, because it was out of their protocols. All of the hippos got off. Their babies were always large.
The midwives said that anyone who had small babies had to get off the Ark, because it was out of their protocols.
All of the mice got off. Their babies were always small.
The midwives said that anyone who did not go to 40 weeks gestation had to get off the Ark, because it was out of their protocols. All of the guinea pigs got off the ark. They would never make it to 40 weeks.
The midwives said that anyone who went over 42 weeks gestation had to get off the Ark, because it was out of the their protocols. So all the elephants got off. Their babies never came at 40 weeks.
The midwives said that anyone who's babies came breech had to get off the Ark, because it was out of their protocols. All of the horses got off because their babies often come out feet first.
The midwives said that anyone who had a cesarean had to get off the Ark, because it was well-known that many midwives can't or won't attend a VBAC. So all the bulldogs got off the Ark.

At the end, all the CNM and the CPM had was each other, sitting on the Ark, with Noah's wife who was done having children, condemning the younger generation for their lack of activism and using low risk care with midwives...

...and meanwhile, across the Earth...those animals bred and birthed and flourished...because life finds a way to happen despite protocol.
-Author's name withheld.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is great! I want to share it with all the midwives I know! but maybe i'll just share it at our next meeting. ;)
Irene

TraditionalFoodsMama said...

Very cool! And....how true it is. :(